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15.05.2018 20:44 -
When "I am sorry" is not enough.
In the middle of an intense moment, we all occasionally say or do something that, depending upon our mood, hurts others either intentionally or accidentally.
Then, when we come to our senses, we realize an apology is in order for the pain we caused.
And not just any old apology.
Since we’re sorry, we want to offer an apology that will let the person we hurt know how much we regret our words or actions — an apology that moves us past the situation into greener pastures where the offended person trusts us, our motives, and our words again.
But How?
People who are hurt tend to think irrationally, and that’s due to anger. In the same way that anger clouded our discernment when we said or did the thing that got us into this situation, anger can cloud angry people’s ability to forgive.
While we know we should apologize, it’s not always easy. Doing so opens us up to the possibility of being confronted with anger and resentment by the offended person(s).
And it’s not always easy for them to accept our apology. They can wonder whether it’s the truth — perhaps the words we’re apologizing for are still our true feelings.
When we apologize to people from our heart — and mean it — we hope they’ll decide with their mind to accept our mea culpa.
Not because it’s easy to forgive and forget, not because we necessarily deserve it, but because they’ve intentionally decided to forgive us.
Besides, not forgiving us hurts them more than it hurts us. After we apologize, our life looks and feels pretty much the same, but for the person who doesn’t forgive, the sun shines dimly on their days. That’s because they see things through the dark lenses of bitterness, anger, and unforgivingness.
And for those of us who need to offer an apology, let’s not wimp out or let pride get in the way. Let’s intentionally try to right our wrong. Doing so not only speaks to our character, but it’s proof of our character.
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. ~Ephesians 4:32
All we offend lots of people in our life. So do I. Today I want one person could grant me permission (and I hope he will, because maybe he might also want to hear what I have to say?)
I want him to know how much I regret what I did, I know it was wrong, and I value his feelings. I wish I could turn back time and change what I said.
In my case, it’s not possible to right a situation. The person is at the other hemisphere of the Earth, and I have to be Ivanka Tramp...or at least Kim Kardashian to make it possible (I mean… I am not a daughter of a millionaires), but I would do everything I can to make it right.
I only want to let him know that inherent in my apology is a promise that I won’t say what I said or did again.
Dear Mr. IknowAll, I’m asking for your forgiveness. Will you please forgive me? I understand you need time to think about it.
I hope my sincere apology will be accepted with the intention of restoring the friendship. Please, accept the handwritten note as well to see how deep I have been punished with the silence.
Thank you.
Then, when we come to our senses, we realize an apology is in order for the pain we caused.
And not just any old apology.
Since we’re sorry, we want to offer an apology that will let the person we hurt know how much we regret our words or actions — an apology that moves us past the situation into greener pastures where the offended person trusts us, our motives, and our words again.
But How?
People who are hurt tend to think irrationally, and that’s due to anger. In the same way that anger clouded our discernment when we said or did the thing that got us into this situation, anger can cloud angry people’s ability to forgive.
While we know we should apologize, it’s not always easy. Doing so opens us up to the possibility of being confronted with anger and resentment by the offended person(s).
And it’s not always easy for them to accept our apology. They can wonder whether it’s the truth — perhaps the words we’re apologizing for are still our true feelings.
When we apologize to people from our heart — and mean it — we hope they’ll decide with their mind to accept our mea culpa.
Not because it’s easy to forgive and forget, not because we necessarily deserve it, but because they’ve intentionally decided to forgive us.
Besides, not forgiving us hurts them more than it hurts us. After we apologize, our life looks and feels pretty much the same, but for the person who doesn’t forgive, the sun shines dimly on their days. That’s because they see things through the dark lenses of bitterness, anger, and unforgivingness.
And for those of us who need to offer an apology, let’s not wimp out or let pride get in the way. Let’s intentionally try to right our wrong. Doing so not only speaks to our character, but it’s proof of our character.
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. ~Ephesians 4:32
All we offend lots of people in our life. So do I. Today I want one person could grant me permission (and I hope he will, because maybe he might also want to hear what I have to say?)
I want him to know how much I regret what I did, I know it was wrong, and I value his feelings. I wish I could turn back time and change what I said.
In my case, it’s not possible to right a situation. The person is at the other hemisphere of the Earth, and I have to be Ivanka Tramp...or at least Kim Kardashian to make it possible (I mean… I am not a daughter of a millionaires), but I would do everything I can to make it right.
I only want to let him know that inherent in my apology is a promise that I won’t say what I said or did again.
Dear Mr. IknowAll, I’m asking for your forgiveness. Will you please forgive me? I understand you need time to think about it.
I hope my sincere apology will be accepted with the intention of restoring the friendship. Please, accept the handwritten note as well to see how deep I have been punished with the silence.
Thank you.
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